A Mother’s Advent on Behalf of her Son
Advent is the four weeks from Thanksgiving to Christmas in which we wait, with great anticipation for the arrival of Christ’s birth. It is an opportunity to highlight our need for a Savior and unpeel us from our distractions, poor attitudes, and selfishness.
As a parent of a child with medical complexities, the season of Advent is a continuous experience. Within which the process of waiting can become soul wrenching.
Like when my friend MamaEmily released her daughter to the medical team for a major, invasive, and critical surgery. She waits wondering if her daughter will return to her in the same condition in which she was released. Many of our fragile kids can experience a long lasting change in their base-line health and abilities after a minor surgery, let alone a major surgery. MamaEmily waits with question of if her daughter will return at all from surgery. Will her body be sustainable through such a major surgery?
Like when my friend MamaNicole nursed her son back to health after his major surgery. Then waited as she diligently implemented the rehabilitative therapies. Uncertain if the surgery would do what it promised. Uncertain if her son would be able to sustain the year long process of recovery. Day after day she waits.
As mothers of children with a life-limiting condition, we savor each new day with our child, no matter how complex their medical cares, or how little sleep we got the night before, while also deeply aware that no day is promised. Many of our children have out-lived their prognosis.
Our souls wait with an awareness of the inevitable passing of our child. We grieve deeply when a peer of our child passes, for we know that threshold will one day be upon our family too.
Postures of Advent
Jim Hart, President of the Institute of Worship Studies in writing about Advent says, “Waiting is both a patiently passive posture and an actively attentive posture.” (1) As mothers of fragile children, our active attending to our child’s complex medical needs becomes a series of concrete actions that make visible our patient prayers, which groan with hope for our children.
We pray for one more...
birthday
incremental developmental milestone
recovery from an illness
peaceful night’s rest
moment to hold their hand
sustained hug
We pray
We wait
We tend to their medical needs
We lose sleep
We wait
We tend to their emotional needs
We wait
We tend to their medical needs
We pray
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31
Levi’s 2016 Advent
Since the start of Advent this year, we have entered into an intensified season of waiting upon the Lord for Levi. He has had a very difficult fall; issues of pain, pneumonia, hives, and now stomach issues. One after the other after the other.
Four days after Thanksgiving he began vomiting, then came difficulty digesting his food. Repeatedly we have given his stomach a rest, no food, then just coconut water, now a new medication, more rest, now just water...
Each step is an Advent.
Waiting
how his body will respond
Waiting
will he rally his strength
Waiting
will a medication do what is intended
Waiting
is this a just a tummy illness
Waiting
is this an indicator of a larger change
We stand at a fork in the road
We take one step forward, into the fork
We Advent, we wait
Waiting on the Lord for
Direction
Hope
Inspiration
Strength
Discernment
Wisdom
Peace
Levi’s pediatric palliative care team has been a trusted presence through it all. They have helped us identify what is happening. They have supported our values and care plan. They have given us wise counsel with each step of Advent.
A Quiet Moment Brings Transformation
This week I participated in a Quiet Service at Salem Covenant Church. It was a meditative time to refocus our hearts and minds upon the purpose of waiting. And a reminder that the Lord is actively and passively waiting for us as well.
We had the opportunity to meditate on the following scripture in the tradition of Ledico Divina. With each of the three readings of the scripture the Lord ministered to my mother-heart.
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.
You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’
Therefore you will flee!
You said, ‘We will ride off on swift horses.’
Therefore your pursuers will be swift!
A thousand will flee
at the threat of one;
at the threat of five
you will all flee away,
till you are left
like a flagstaff on a mountaintop,
like a banner on a hill.”
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!
People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. 20 Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. 21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:15-21 (NIV)
For me, in this season of an increase in Levi’s fragileness, my thoughts become the racing horses. Racing me as I am pursued by fear, heartbreak, sleeplessness, anxiety, long suffering…
Racing me away from my compassionate Lord who longs to be gracious with me.
In light of Levi’s Advent, I am encouraged to know with quietness and trust I will find strength. And, within each process of waiting, the Lord will say “this is the way; walk in it.”
This insight from the Scriptures has changed how I wait on behalf of Levi.
As the pastors at Salem Covenant Church commented, "Whatever you may be navigating in this Advent season, whatever you wait for, may you consider how you are waiting."
May you allow the process of waiting to transform you, regardless of the outcome.
And yes, we could use your prayers as we are navigating layers of uncertainty as we wait...
Notes:
(1) Jim Hart, Advent 2016 Reflection http://us7.campaign-archive2.com/?u=aa22f1161849ff606291c91d9&id=0f033a078c&e=a175cb6690
Levi & Mama photo credit Summer Street Photography
Thank you Pastor Mark Pattie and Pastor Joanna Fantz for creating the space and time for the Quiet Service this week.
