Remembering Levi's Friend Isaac
Dear Sweet Isaac,
Here we are at the one year anniversary of your departure from this earth, back into the Lord’s heavenly arms. As you know, when dealing with medical complexities, the days here can be long and the nights even longer. Still, I wonder how they have already added up to a year since we looked upon your face and Levi last held your hand? Wasn’t that moment just yesterday?
Your spirit has been deeply woven into our hearts. We remember each moment we shared with you here on earth.
We remember.
We treasure.
We keep your photos close at hand.
We choose not to forget.
Levi Remembers
When we returned to Faith’s Lodge this summer, the place where you and he first met, Levi was searching for you. His heart, his eyes, his spirit, was sure he would find you there again. It took a few days before the reality of your passing set in once again for him.
I was blessed to witness his memory and longing for you coming forth so visibly.
And so very heartbroken for his sadness.
You and he shared a language beyond words. The best comfort I could give him was simply to be fully present, allowing the sadness to move through our hearts, into a gratitude for a pain that comes because we have loved and lost.
Loved and Lost you, Dear Isaac.
Many times this year, I have witnessed Levi’s eyes light up when your name was spoken and when were with your family. I know his spirit continues to remember you, his eyes continue to search for your sweet face.
You gave and received love with immeasurable radiance
At your life celebration service we heard stories and saw photos of how full your life was once you joined your forever family here in Minnesota. You dressed up for Halloween, rode sleds in the winter, sang hymns (your way!) in church, rode the carousel, went to school, traveled with your family, read books with your siblings, and on and on and on. Your six years of life were lived to the fullest.
We have changed how we live because of your presence in our lives
This year we took new risks with Levi we would have never considered doing before knowing you.
We became bold and courageous.
We focused more on being in the present moment, savoring each adventure big and small. We cherished every kiss, every smile, every sneeze, with even greater tenderness.
We traveled to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving with friends and family.
Before knowing you Isaac, we kept Levi home from most everything during the winter months.
We drove in the rain to the MN Zoo for Dream Night. We were so thankful the skies cleared up upon our arrival and remained clear all night. The sunset on the ride home was spectacular.
Before knowing you Isaac, the chance of rain would have kept us home.
We enrolled Younger Brother and Levi in a series of classes at the Children’s Farm. While there Levi rode a horse for the first time, picked eggs out of the chicken coup, and engaged with the elements of the farm alongside other children.
Before knowing you Isaac, we would not have sought out an opportunity to engage so closely with nature alongside other children.
We got on a plane and took a family vacation to Seattle (without a team of caregivers). It took a year of planning, saving, coordinating, and lots of sleepless nights. We almost backed out at the last minute because of a trip to the ER, but your shining smile helped to press us forward. On this trip we did “bucket list” activities that have become forever memories in our hearts.
Before knowing you Isaac, we stayed away from planes, long distance travel, and tried to quell the longing in our hearts to take such risks.
All year long I advocated with the public school for Levi to be able to have full kindergarten services at home (homebound) because he is not able to “go to” a kindergarten classroom since he is so medically fragile. Every time I encountered a “no” I pressed in and searched harder for the person who could open the doors with a “yes.”
Levi is now receiving the benefits homebound kindergarten, with full support services (PT, OT, Communication, Vision). In his education plan we were able to set a new standard for children with deafblindness within our school district.
Before knowing you Isaac, I would not have been so persistent and confident that a “yes” person could be found.
You come to mind each time I am in the woods
Throughout the year, I have taken regular walks in the woods at Tamarack Nature Center. There is a certain place along the trail where the Lord always interrupts my thoughts to bring memories of you to mind.
Being in nature, where life and death comfortably co-exist,
I have found a safe place to weep.
A place where the rapid rhythms of my life can be called to a halt.
A place where stillness is welcomed.
A place where the Lord can minister to my broken heart.
In a new way, throughout the seasons,
I have come to appreciate the fallen tree within the forest.
Vibrant fall leaves descending upon the forest floor.
Broken branches from a tall maple.
Wilting flowers alongside buds about to burst forth.
...the ways life and death comfortably co-exist
In my modern western life, I have found so few places where I can dwell fully within the sacred continuum of life and death. Time spent in nature, among the Lord's handiwork, and time spent with your family have been welcomed exceptions this past year.
Dear sweet Isaac, we want you to know on this anniversary of your passing, you are remembered.
We are a changed people because of knowing you and your family.
We continue to grieve your departure from earth while anticipating our reunion someday in heaven.
With Abiding Love,
Mama Shu, Levi, and family
