He Gathers Community: Lessons from the One Year Anniversary of my Child's Death
In my previous post, Approaching the One Year Anniversary of my Child’s Death, I wrote about of my inability to plan this season for our family. I was depleted of internal resources. In short this post was saying, “I can’t do this work, I need help.”
Little did I know, this honest assertion of my own weakness would become a doorway for meaningful moments within our community. Moments that would have been completely missed and not afforded the opportunity to arise out of the ashes of this season.
By setting forth no agenda of my own, other than a desire to be helped by friends and family, people came forth one by one. Each bringing a gift from their heart. A gift that resonated with their unique relationship with my son Levi and our family.
Gifts of time as people joined us in our home, at events, at church, and for meals.
Gifts of prayers, photos, and storytelling as people sent messages by mail, email, social media, and phone.
Gifts of physical nourishment as people shared meals, playdates, and nature walks.
Gifts of ritual as we marked the 7 years of Levi’s life with balloons, art, flowers, fruit, painted leaves, and storytelling.
Gifts of naming as people brought forth their own memories, life lessons, and the rippling forward into their today.
Gifts of sacred upholding as people gathered at the hour of Levi’s passing for a candlelight vigil, outside our home and in their homes.
Gifts we didn’t know we needed and could have never created on our own.
He Gathers Community
The agony of this season began to be eroded by a freshwater stream of love into our hearts and home. There is something so sacred about friends who are willing to be present with you in grief, loss, and pain. I feel this is all the more powerful in the context of a larger culture where distraction and avoidance is prevalent.
The pain of this season was still present. The cycles of grief continued to spiral in many directions. There is no bringing Levi back to earth within his earthly vessel. There is no more holding his hand, kissing his face, feeling the weight of his body in our arms.
And...
the kingdom of God is among us. The presence of the Lord is everywhere. It is a presence Levi has joined with as one of the saints in heaven. We are apart and together all at once.
And...
because of the gathering of community in this one-year anniversary of Levi's death, the pain was not compounded by aloneness and isolation.
I have spoken with many friends in the months following this one-year anniversary. Many of them have commented about how my willingness to articulate my weakness, my inability to plan, became the permission they needed to find a supportive in-road into this season with our family. They have talked about feeling a desire (beforehand) to share in the marking of this one-year, but didn’t know how to even approach the subject with us directly. They didn’t want to impose or interrupt a perceived need for privacy.
Friends and family have also spoken about additional meaningful interactions they experienced between each other at the one-year anniversary. Times of storytelling, tears, conversation, hugs, and candle lighting. Times that didn’t involve us. This is a whole additional layer I was surprised to discover. And yet it was so Levi. To continue the work of gathering community.
In my eulogy for Levi, one of the lines of the poem I wrote about the impact of his life reads
“He gathers community”
Only after admitting my weakness did I see this theme arise again as friends brought forth their gifts and treasures of love and support.
Indeed Levi is continuing to teach me about the gathering of community.
how
why
when
what comes before
what happens within
how it resonates
why it matters.
This is one of the ways Levi has carried the image of God with him in life, death, and through the one-year anniversary of his life in heaven. I am sure there is much more to learn in the year to come.
Peace be with you.
Isaiah 40:11
The Lord takes care of his people like a shepherd.
He gathers the people like lambs in his arms.
He carries them close to him.
He gently leads the mothers of the lambs.
