Winter Surrender

The first big snowfall arrived two weeks ago and I have been trying daily to bring words to the shift I feel happeneing within me. The shift into winter is a challenging one because with it comes the cold and flu season and a time when Levi's fragile nature requires even more diligent attention. It limits his ability to go out of the home, even for worthy things like pool therapy. It limits who can come into our home. It is a season when we almost expect him to get sick, perhaps in a big way, and we try to not let the fear of that grab ahold too tightly.

Today I came across a prayer by Thomas Merton. It gets to the heart of the matter for me. How do I as Mama Shu navigate the trecherous road of winter? I as the one who leads the daily decisions on his therapies, medical cares, routines, care giver schedules; all while walking an uncharted road and leading others along the way. These are all the things seen on the surface, however at its core this road we walk with Levi is a spiritual one.

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot

know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really

know myself, and the fact that I think I am

following your will does not mean that I am

actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to

please you does in fact please you. And I hope

that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I

hope that I will never do anything apart from

that desire. And I know that if I do this you will

lead me by the right road though I may know

nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you